When we think of the nature of friendship, it’s usually in the context of us creating and maintaining bonds with others. More often than not, we prioritize our relationships with others before our relationship with ourselves. While being a good friend to others is certainly important, are we being a good friend to ourselves?
It’s a question that we don’t ask often, but it’s one we need answered. The longest relationship we’ll ever have is with ourselves, and it’s a relationship that needs nurturing. Learning to become our own best friend is an important step to loving ourselves and others. It’s up to each and every one of us to cultivate the strength and depth of connection we have with ourselves. Let’s discuss some ways we can start that journey.
Be Kind to Yourself
The first step to becoming your own best friend is to treat yourself like you would treat a friend. Have you ever noticed a time where you beat yourself up over something you did wrong? In these moments, catch your negative self-talk and ask yourself if you’d say this to your best friend. Probably not, right? We can then reframe our self-talk to be kind, supportive, and understanding of the way we feel. Our strongest friendships are built on kindness, compassion, and understanding, and this applies not only to our friendships with others but also with ourselves.
Honour Your Needs
When was the last time you gave advice to a friend in an effort to help them? When you are your own best friend, you not only give advice, but you practice the advice you give. Being your own best friend means recognizing the ways that you are feeling and checking in to see what you need. Do you need a mental health day? A long bath? A night out? Honouring your needs like you would for a friend will help ensure that you’re putting your needs at the top of your priority list. Be there for yourself like you would for a friend in need.
Stand Back From Your Thoughts
As humans, we have hundreds of thoughts that pop into our heads daily, and most of them are not true, and some of them are unhelpful. When a thought pops into your head, it doesn’t mean you must always engage with it, but it can be very tempting to do so. One way to deal with negative and unhelpful thoughts is to stand back from your thoughts. Standing back from your thoughts is imagining that your conscious awareness has taken a step back, a step out of your mind. From there, you can observe the thoughts that pass through without needing to engage with them. In the moments that you’re dealing with unhelpful thoughts, this can help take the power away from those thoughts, so they can’t drag you down.
Accept Rather Than Punish Yourself
Would a good friend punish you with a continuous tirade of criticism for hours? Instead of punishing yourself with endless loops of self-criticism, try reframing your thoughts when they come to mind as acceptance rather than punishment. Acceptance is an effective step to help solve problems rather than wallow in them.
Learn How to Have Fun Alone
Humans are social beings who need social interaction, but having fun doesn’t always have to be socially focused. Learning to have fun alone is important because we can’t solely rely on others to feel happiness or have our fun fulfilled. Learning to be our own best friend and spending time on our own helps us find that fulfillment from within. When you find different activities you enjoy doing alone, you will start to notice the deepening bond you have with yourself.
Send Compassion to the Part of You That’s Hurting
Being your own best friend means mastering the art of learning and practicing self-compassion. Self compassion is accepting oneself and the way we feel without the need to control or change everything. When we’re our own best friend, we must offer compassion to ourselves at the same time of receiving it. Give and accept the compassion you would offer a friend when you’re hurting.
A Lifelong Journey
Like all relationships, your relationship with yourself takes work. Every relationship ebbs and flows, so be kind to yourself and accept that you might not always be available to be the best friend to yourself that you want to be, and that’s okay. Being your own best friend means loving and accepting yourself, warts and all. When we embrace being our own best friends, our confidence and self-esteem will reside from within.
Written by Eleni Zaptses
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